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Instead, I want to point out that, contrary to popular belief, trans women do value singlehood just as much as the men attracted to us. Acknowledging that truth within myself has helped me better understand trans-attracted men. One would think this newfound knowledge would make it easier for me to pursue healthy sexual encounters with men. While a solid demographic of men appreciates my alpha nature, those same men have sometimes made things awkward. So, here are a few tips to help cis-hetero men successfully navigate casual sex with trans women—so that all can benefit from the pleasures in waiting of mutual attraction.
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Photo by Emerson Ricard. There are two reasons why I do not top : One, topping takes a lot of effort, and I prefer not to work up a sweat. If I were to leave the bottom, I would be moving away from the sexual expectation to which straight cis women are held: to be penetrated. This anxiety colored the first time I did it, an exception made for my former high school sweetheart who wanted to lose their butt virginity after our first semester in college. I was hesitant, but I wanted my ex to have a good first fuck, so the service top in me took the wheel. The sex turned out to be a mindfuck: What if I was still that year-old boy for my ex? What if nothing has changed? What if I have not changed? But, of course things had changed: I had grown a B-cup and a new set of pronouns.
Transgender athletes are having a moment. These recent performances are inherently praiseworthy—shining examples of what humans can accomplish with training and effort. But as more transgender athletes rise to the top of their fields, some vocal opponents are also expressing outrage at what they see as transgender athletes ruining sports for cisgendered girls and women. These issues have come to a head in Connecticut, where a conservative Christian group called Alliance Defending Freedom has filed a legal complaint on behalf of three high school athletes who are seeking to bar transgender girls from competing in the girls category. In Connecticut, as in more than a dozen other states, high school athletes are allowed to compete in the category that matches their gender identity. Nowhere are the debates around transgender rights as stark as they are in sports, where the temptation to draw a hard biological line has run up against the limits of what science can offer. The outcome, at least so far, is an inconsistent mix of rules that leaves almost nothing resolved. Cisgender men typically have testosterone levels of 7. So which approach is most fair?